Deeper
by lullabyeyes
Summary: The charade is up. She can't go on pretending anymore. She wants more. [RoryLogan. One-shot. Complete.]


Notes: Collaboration between _radcgg_ and _lullabyeyes_ (aka: firecracker at Illusive) Everything up to "Wedding Bell Blues" is fair game. We own not, you sue not. GG not ours; no copyright infringement intended. Song by Lifehouse, "Everything". Enjoy. ;)

* * *

Deeper

you still my heart

and you take my breath away

would you take me in?

take me deeper now

* * *

"I can't ask you to give everything up for me."

She shivers as the true meaning of her words sinks in for the first time. She watches with feigned disinterest as his eyes harden. She hates seeing him close up, but she knows that it's the only thing she can do for him.

She has nothing else to give.

She wonders why he believes her. She wants to shout out at him, 'stop.' But she can't. Her lips won't move and he's become unreachable.

She steps back, needing space. She breathes in and waits for his answer.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

She hears her heart beating, frantically, and she puts a hand to her chest because it's painful all of a sudden.

"Not your choice to make, Ace," he replies, hardened eyes now crackling with a slow burning fire.

"No," she tries again. This was supposed to be easy. He was supposed to agree.

He shrugs, "We're both too far into this to pull out."

He leans over and takes her hand, finding it cold. He pulls so hard on it, she has to run to keep up with him. She knows exactly where he's taking her, she could probably break free of him if she tried, but she doesn't.

Just as anticipated, he only stops once they reach his room and the door locks behind them.

"Logan, we can't do - "

"Can't do what?" She winces as the smirk she's so familiar with reappears.

"This!" she exlaims. "We can't do this. Be together, not together. I can't ask you to be what I need you to be. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to me. I'm willing –"

"You want to call this off? Sorry to disappoint you, but I have no intention of letting you. Just your luck, huh? What are you so afraid of? To compromise your morals? Oh, done that already. To try something new and stringless? Cross that off the to-do list, too..."

"Logan, I just can't – " She doesn't ever finish the thought. His lips are on hers, demanding her compliance.

A moan escapes from her lips, and she feels him smiling against her. He breaks free from her lips as he trails kisses down her neck. His hands fall from her shoulders, down to her elbows, then goes to entwine their fingers together. The intimate gesture shocks her, but she doesn't say anything.

This is something new altogether.

She opens the eyes she didn't know she closed and finds him a breath away from her. He leans in, their foreheads touch, and she wonders how long she can keep up this charade. Isn't this what she wanted in the first place?

Forget the string-less ramble, the lie about "girls wanting to have fun". Forget it all.

This is what she wants. Here and now. Him and her.

Silence. A beat.

Then, "Logan, I can't do this to you. We had an agreement, and I'm not holding up my end …and that's not fair. I …" she gulps, trying to get the words out before she chickens out again. She knows that if she doesn't say anything, then they'll be going back to their cat and mouse game. They are shadow and light. Night and day.

She knows that if she doesn't say anything, then she'll be giving in to him again. He always has the upper hand. And this, of course, is the last thing that she wants, the last thing she can handle.

Because she just can't bring herself to refusing him.

"We're just…"

"Too different. So you've said before. I remember." She feels the smirk form even as her eyes close. "But this can work. I know this can work." She can't defend herself against the desperation in his voice.

"Logan, I," her voice cracks.

"I know." She knows that he understands her. She knows that he moves something inside her that hasn't been touched before ever. She needs to know the answer as much as he needs to hear it.

"It's just – " The words catch in her throat. She can't believe what she's going to say. "I'm… falling in love with you." She whispers before she starts to ramble. "I know that it's against the rules, that it shoots them all to hell. I know that you can't commit to me at all. I know that things can never be the way that I want them to be, that you'll never feel the same way about me that I do about you. I know that –"

"Rory."

" – you don't love me. That you might not ever love me. And that's okay, but that's the same reason that I'm here right now. I –"

"Rory." His voice still doesn't penetrate her thoughts.

"I'm falling in love with you, and I just couldn't take it if you left me like they all left me."

"Rory!"

He brings himself to her lips, fast and hard, catching her as she stumbles back. "Anyone ever tell you that you talk a lot? It's a good thing I like watching you talk, otherwise …"

He watches as she bites her bottom lip, face flushed, eyes darting.

He breathes in, trying to formulate a reply, and it's somewhat of a miracle that words are actually escaping from his lips, "I don't plan on leaving any time soon."

"Oh."

Silence.

"I don't know what to say," he admits; he knows he can't give her own words back to her. (Yet.) Sighing, he watches for her reaction. He knows he's not giving her much of a reason to stay.

He sees something in her eyes, a flash of some kind, and then feels her hand disentangling themselves from his grasp. She steps back. Her hands are shaking; her body trembles. Then, she turns her foot to the door and he realizes.

She's going to run.

"Rory," he steps towards her but she doesn't stop. "Rory, stop!" It's a command, but she can't obey it. "Rory!" His hand grips her arm, she knows that there will be bruises tomorrow. Something to remember him by. She wants to cry.

She already is.

"Let go. I have to go. I have to get home."

"You need to listen to me." She struggles against his grip as hard as she can, but he holds her firmly. "Rory, listen, I'm not leaving you. I can't give you what you need, but I'm not going anywhere. I need you to believe that right now. I need for you not to run."

"I can't –" she cries. "I just can't." She pulls out of his grip and runs for the door.

**END **


End file.
